One toilet funeral, coming right up

It’s like a piscean Survivor over here in our living room. Or maybe Real World: FishTank. Six strangers, picked to live in an aquarium.

Only Yellow and the never-named white one are still on set. Frankie, Suzy, Red, Nemo and Uncle Ryan have all packed their bags and bid tearful goodbyes. No more hot-tubbin’ or algae-flingin’ for them.

I’m just glad it isn’t Aquarium Idol. Then the little bug-eyed fish would be squeaking, cursing, and threatening to come back, and that would be gross. Even grosser than trying to explain to a three-year-old why his aquatic pet is kind of … stuck in the filter intake valve. And never coming back.

May 12, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 4 Comments

Things that are lame

bloggers who think their piddling, holier-than-thou grievances are truly worth a 500-word essay
people who write to Miss Manners to win an argument
people who won’t give county teachers their paltry, nominal raises
@#$%& teething
not having the money to do things the way I want them to be done
a horse with a broken leg
this list.

I saw this little meme on gwendomama’s blog and it really hit the spot today. It’s been a long, long week, Supa friends. One of those weeks when I’m actually looking forward to grocery shopping, if only for the chance to self-medicate with Pop-tarts.

April 5, 2008 | Filed Under blather, memes | 8 Comments

Recently consumed

Share your reviews if you’ve seen these:

The Namesake
3:10 To Yuma
Chicken Run
Dodgeball
Blazing Saddles

Every once in a great while we binge on video rentals. This is one of those times. We earned a sixth free — Wordplay. Have you seen it? I picked it up solely because my boyfriend, Jon Stewart, is on the cover.

Sure wish he’d call.

Why doesn’t he call?

Maybe he’ll call.

…

JON CALL ME !!

Okay. Anyway. 3:10 to Yuma was, in my opinion: bleh. I liked the ending better than Iain did but that isn’t saying a lot. Chicken Run: I forgot to watch it all the way through. Was distracted. Love the accents on them chickens, though. The Namesake was, if possible, an improvement on the book. Absolutely. Also, and this is totally unrelated, Kal Penn is hot. Dodgeball: Made me laugh, which is saying something for a Vince Vaughn movie. I don’t like that guy. And Blazing Saddles: Well, now I can say I’ve seen it. (next in that department: Caddyshack.)

March 27, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 7 Comments

Things I’d like to drop some coin on

New glasses that actually stay on my head (and hopefully are somewhat stylish)
leather shoes
in fact, a whole shoe wardrobe a half-size up. (Pregnancy did a number on my wee narrow feet.)
some a’ them $100 designer jeans that make your butt look good
a digital camcorder
a pocket digital camera
new summer clothes for the boys
yards and yards of fabric
a nanny
a butler
a gardener
a new car — no, wait, a new hybrid CR-V
fancy yarn.

OK. I think that’s it. Totally reasonable, right?

March 7, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 2 Comments

Old Home Weekend

Oh flat, featureless Ohio, I’ve missed you so!

I’m leaving tomorrow with the kids for a long weekend with my parents. I anticipate much Wii bowling and much family fun time and hopefully a tiny bit of sleeping in. God knows I could use it; these children are wearing me into the ground.

February 26, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 4 Comments

Radio shame

Have you ever been dial surfing and find yourself lingering over the SCAN button a little too long when Hootie and the Blowfish comes on the station with Today’s Hits and Yesterday’s Favorites, because it reminds you of cruising I-75 in your mom’s Dodge Caravan, headed to Detroit to buy clogs?

Me neither.

I also never leave it on Billy Joel, tapping my foot in time rather than singing so the other drivers can’t see. I would never find myself stopped at a red light, tearing up when Touch of Grey comes on 100.7 The Bay and feeling very sorry for myself that Jerry Garcia died. And I would never, ever, not in a million years would I pause while SEEKing to listen to Elton John, Journey or Rush. Or possibly all three in succession.

No, definitely not, that never happens. Just wanted to make that clear.

February 18, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 6 Comments

Crockpot cookin’

Yet another semi-edible crockpot meal for our Sunday Dinner today. It was supposed to be beef stew but, to be honest, looked (and probably tasted) like Alpo.

Every week we do something a little bigger and badder than a typical dinner for Sunday, and the last two weeks I’ve done crockpot. I’m a queen at roasting chickens but I am crockpot-deficient. I was just chatting with Keely about this: anyone got a killer recipe? Because I’m starting to think I’m doing something wrong.

(can you tell I’m dithering? Because I am. Dithering.)

January 13, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 15 Comments

Top five reasons I wish I were religious

Church. Think about it. Some dude in funny clothes waxing philosophic while incense tickles your nose and someone passes you a bowl. Sounds like college, and I enjoyed college.
Bingo. Cormac needs a new pair of shoes.
Private school. Owen needs some of that nun stuff to counterbalance the nun-chucks.
Heaven. Where the deer and the antelope play, and where I can eat a bowl of Raisin Bran without crying an hour later.
Hell. I need to know that some people will be taken care of after I’m gone.

January 3, 2008 | Filed Under blather | 13 Comments

A cheerful, shallow pause in the slump

Went to the old Franklin Park Mall today with my sister and my brother’s girlfriend. Exchanged a Gap turtleneck for a really sweet pair of dark jeans … in the next size down! Score one for the intestinal disease, I’m now a size two again.

After that we unpacked our suitcases and moved in to Sephora. I had two gift cards to spend and, after like an hour wandering around wide-eyed, walked out with the Bare Minerals starter kit. My sister Em let me try hers yesterday and you know what? I’m a convert. I look smooth and glowy. I’m wearing that and the eye kit right now. And my new vest. I am Hot Mom, hear me purr.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

December 26, 2007 | Filed Under blather | 7 Comments

Is there a poodle in your doodle?

Man! The kind of baby talk I come up with when changing diapers. It’s criminal.

So. What is it, ~~Wednesday? Only Wednesday~~? Damn. Thursday, you say? OK then.

This week started out hideously low, lower than low, Mariana Trench low. Cormac would not sleep and would not sleep. I said some things in my Lullaby Voice that I am glad he does not have the vocabulary to understand. I drafted posts in my mind to the tune of “Girls, Make Sure You Refill That Birth Control Prescription.” I cried. It was double plus ungood.

And then, in the afternoon, both boys gave me an hour of uninterrupted Quiet Time. I scooted straight upstairs, opened my Machine Made Patchworks Vol. 2 (thanks, Japan, for being so cool) and started sewing.

And from there, things have generally been looking up. Amazing what a little Zen Time can do for a body. Those anxiety fits from last week are calming down — I totally and completely have you all to thank, you and your wise words of advice and soothing. I am still doing pretty well on my new Eat Healthy regimen, although … I am having intestinal sadness again. I don’t know what’s wrong with my insides but I am pretty sure something is. I have a referral for a gastro doc so I’ll give him a call sometime. Surely. Surely I can find some time in the day to call a doctor.

Anyway. Things in general: looking good. Lots of Christmas gifts to start making. Found a great recipe for peppermint bark, thanks to a friend in Tennessee. It snowed yesterday — thanks, Weather! And we put up our Christmas tree. Oh, and Mac slept through the night and Owen has taken to calling me “Honey.”

Things are looking up. At least that’s what my perpetual inner optimist keeps saying. I have no choice but to listen to her.

December 6, 2007 | Filed Under baby, blather, toddler | 4 Comments