I’m a little slow on the uptake

Posted on | November 15, 2008 9 Comments | e-mail | print

I have been thinking a lot lately that my Self of 10 years ago would probably have punched my Self of today for being content puttering around the house, SAHMing and whatnot. (Though she would have playfully punched me on the shoulder for finally learning to knit — you should have seen the scarf I knit for my friend Jeff in college. It was like a trapezoid, that was on acid, that had a run-in with a goose.)

Anyway, my point is that it took me a long time to realize that raising children and creating a home are not worthless pursuits or somehow less valuable than a life spent working one’s way up the chain of command at a newspaper. There is no line in the sand that says You are This or You are That. There is no such thing as Mommy Wars; motherhood is merely parenthood, and most humans enter that reproductive phase of life at one point. Taking a few years out of one’s work career (if that’s what I end up doing) is merely one person’s path through parenthood, not a Statement or a Track or a Cause

Too much of parenthood in this country is minimized as soccer mom work, joke fodder rather than seen through the lens of family and connection. Every one has parents; everyone comes from somewhere. Most people (I think most, statistically) will create a family of their own one way or another, or find themselves as a caregiver to someone else at some point, be it spouse, child or aging parent. It’s narrowminded and dangerous to assume that child-raising belongs to women and women belong at home; likewise it is narrowminded and dangerous to assume that raising children and staying at home are lowly, marginal or worthless activities. They are human activities.

Life is a ripple, or a wave, or a ribbon. Time bears you forward into different circumstances, doing different work that affects the larger society or culture as a whole. Arranging words on a newspaper page is one such service to your community. Teaching the children of that community about manners and love and respect and compassion is another.

To my Self of 10 years ago, I would say this: After critically thinking about so much, and fighting back over so many things, don’t overlook this. Motherhood is not the M word. Talk to me in 10 years. Get some of that stuff out of your system, take a step back, listen, think — and move the yarn forward if you want to purl.

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