Keeps on comin’

So! Back to the ER for the third time in two weeks yesterday. Developed a full body rash and then my tongue started swelling up and one of my lymph nodes swelled as well. I had a panic attack, thinking I was going to suffocate.

They wanted to do a line of steroids for the rash and benadryl for the tongue and fluids for good measure but I couldn’t tolerate the idea of another IV and I was wary of the steroids. So I explained to the P.A. as I was hyperventilating that I would like to please skip the IV and the steroids and the preventative Pepcid and just take the benadryl. She acquiesced and offered an Ativan for good measure. It was amazing. I would like more of that. So many trains of thought which would have led to a racing heart and feeling dizzy couldn’t even leave the station.

My anxiety has been ramping up lately. I worry about everything. I worry that I have vitamin A overdose. I worry that the waterproof bed liner on Owen’s bed is making him sick. I worry that not having a bed liner on Mac’s mattress is making him sick. I worry about Owen’s health and the baby’s bowels and whether I’m eating something that’s going to make me sick. I worry about germs and I worry about my boys getting sick and I worry that I am going to have an aneurysm die and no one will know until Iain gets home from school.

I felt like this when Owen was a baby, too. I remember it got a lot easier when he turned one. But that’s six months away — Mac turning one. I have to find a handle on this in the meantime. The panic attacks are exacerbating everything. I need a way to get them under control.

November 26, 2007 | Filed Under neuroses

Comments

11 Responses to “Keeps on comin’”

Jen on November 26th, 2007 12:55 pm

Go to your dr. and get ativan. That is what I take for my anxiety and panic attacks and it is a wonder drug, I’m telling you. It makes me so much calmer, and I only take like .5 mg.
shelli on November 26th, 2007 1:10 pm

I was anti-meds for the longest time, but then of course, once kids enter the picture, the anxiety crept in and wouldn’t go away.

So Lexapro land was the answer - I can still feel, cry, worry, be anxious, but it’s no longer all-encompasing.

Much love and luck to you. We ALL get it!
Tina C. on November 26th, 2007 1:26 pm

anxiety is a bitch. i think hormones make it worse. take drugs if you need to and don’t feel guilty about it.
stephanie on November 26th, 2007 3:42 pm

I hope you find a way soon. I’m so sorry you have been this sick. ugh. (if you do decide on meds for the anxiety please don’t feel guilty. meds rule. haha)

p.s. thanks for tagging me…I am finally back in the blogging game.
Jen on November 26th, 2007 3:43 pm

Jeez, MB. I’m taking deep breaths on your behalf. Ativan sounds like a very good thing. I hope you can get some more.
Elizabeth on November 26th, 2007 4:22 pm

Meds definitely help keep me sane. No one needs an anxiety attack in the middle of the grocery store.

I hope you feel like your old crafty self soon!
Beth on November 26th, 2007 7:25 pm

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough time lately. The flu while breastfeeding has got to be a hell like no other… I wish I could help other than sending my good thoughts your way (I’m doing that but you keep heading back to that ER!). I know that worry-wise, when I’m exhausted my anxiety shoots through the roof. There’s a direct correlation. When you can rest and heal I think it will get better.

This sucks. I’m sorry.
Kim on November 26th, 2007 8:04 pm

You put my messy-house-induced insomnia to shame. I hope that was hitting bottom and you’re on your way back up! Stupid worrying, it’s a bitch. Yes, do what you need to do to stay sane. I’m sending good thoughts toward the northeast.
supa on November 26th, 2007 11:08 pm

Man. Thanks, you guys. I would love to find ways to cope with this without drugs, at least at first, but it’s nice to know they exist and can help. I should probably take advantage of that.

Me and anxiety, we’re like seventh-grade best friends. Tight like glue one day, barely passing acquaintances the next. Looking forward to the latter.
B on November 27th, 2007 9:54 am

Lexapro is my friend. Maybe even my best friend! Too bad we didn’t meet until my son was 15 and entering high school, as it would have come in handy during the younger years. That (high school) was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. So much to worry about. Anyway, now my son is in college and I’ve got an empty nest and you’d think I’d be sad and anxious, but things are great. Minimal anxiety but nothing I can’t cope with. So occasionally I think about breaking up with Lex…and then I find out my son is in danger of losing his full-ride tuition scholarship and I think: Nah, I think we’ll just stay friends. (I guess I feel guilty about the meds…but they help my anxiety so, so, so much that I just don’t want to go back to that other place.) Sorry for the rambling, incoherent comment. I do hope you feel better soon. I’ve been in that dark place and it’s just not fun. (What kind of antibiotic did they give you? My husband’s had baaaad reactions to them that sound similar to yours.)
kelly on December 1st, 2007 10:20 am

thinking of you. sorry about all this. i understand. oh i understand.