Mommy drinks, but not because you cry
So! Owen and I watched the Today Show yesterday morning, on which Melissa Summers was invited to talk about whether “cocktail playdates” are appropriate. Basically, Meredith Vieira was asking, is it ever OK for a mother to drink in the presence of her children? (story)
Unfortunately for mothers everywhere, the piece was quite biased. And the piece said, NO. From the intro footage of Encino moms drinking (zoom in on the wine!) to Meredith’s loaded questions (“but, how would you feel if it was the baby-sitter?”), the general tone was one of incredulous disapproval.
Melissa did a nice job of speaking out for the rational person, but I fear she was slightly overshadowed by every other aspect of the segment. More’s the pity, because this is the kind of thing that gets blown out of proportion and subsequently used to further pressure moms into some sort of Stepford model of behavior.
Look. Moms are people too. They eat. They drink. Sometimes their drinks have alcohol in them. Nobody’s talking about intoxicated parenting, all right? I think we can all agree that that would be dangerous.
But the simple consumption of an adult beverage in the presence of children, including your own — well, hell. Dads have been drinking beers on the couch for … for as long as beer has been invented, and that’s never been criticized.
I don’t drink often, but I’ve never shied away from having a drink in front of Owen. He knows that some drinks are for grownups (anything that comes in an aluminum can, including National Bohemian). And I know that more than a drink and a half is too much, so I imbibe accordingly.
I don’t see the problem. And I think demonizing moms who demonstrate any sort of human behavior (working, drinking, being exasperated) further dehumanizes them and gives the American public fewer reasons to respect and value what they do. And this in turn is why so many mothers today feel suffocated, anxious, on edge — why perhaps they might need a beer, I would venture to say. Because America has been all up their butt all day long.
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Modeling responsible behavior is one of our jobs too. Does Meredith whatsername think that kids shouldn’t witness alcohol consumption until they see their middle school peers barfing it back up in the driveway?
Same thing with getting mad. Every time they see us get mad and then deal with it in a way that doesn’t involve throwing toys or hitting the checkout lady, they’re picking up skills for dealing with their own emotions.
Man, all this responsibility. I’d love to just punch the checkout lady sometime, wouldn’t you?
[…] I’m terribly sorry to say that I have sealed my fate. I will never, ever get to be a ClubMom blogger now. If memory serves me, Meredith Veiera is part owner of ClubMom. Heh. Well, at least I’m in damn good company… […]
Why oh why does television infotainment shows suck so much? Why do the mommy wars still rage on? Because we are all insecure, we hate each other and they’re looking for ratings (circulation).
The today show piece on wine at the playgroup was the silliest piece of tripe I’ve ever seen. In my opionion, they’ve hit rock bottom.
Well said. My thoughts exactly. And I’m with your neighborhood librarian…sometimes I do want to punch out the girl at the checkout. Does Meredith think that’s wrong?
You know I would think that seeing your parents drink in moderation would be a good example for your child. Just a thought. Moderation. Open dialogue.
it’s a bit insane the way they skewed the opening footage- totally over the top. she was very poised, as well as could be expected with all the clucking of tongues and whatnot.
the shit has hit the fan over at her blog, though, i’m wondering if meredith reads her…
I hope Meredith does read Suburban Bliss. And feels slightly bad for allowing her team (all the cogs in the NBC Media Wheel) to continue milking the mythical Mommy Wars. It’s insulting.
Librarian, I loved your comment, A-men. Every time I feel guilt about something, I like to stop and think, Hey. This is life. Life is not a sit-com or a Parenting magazine spread. Humans have a wide range of emotions and behaviors and you know what? THAT’S OKAY. It’s really okay.
I was the youngest of 4 children. My mom NEEDED her vodka tonics! And when I got older, my parents taught me to appreciate wine.
My sister is an alcoholic but I’m not. Who knows why, but I know that bring a drunk parent is not good, but drinking in front of your kids is not a big deal!
God, I need a stiff drink after reading all this with the links and such. But yours was the first one I read and I’ve commented everywhere but here where I started! Excellent assessment of the situation.
It was so stupid. So very stupid. Now we know thanks to crackerjack reporting by the mainstream media that SAHMs are kinda slow, working moms are selfish, the two groups hate each other and none of them are allowed to have any fun. Blah.
Sheesh. They’re trying to make us all feel guilty again. My daughter sees my husband and me enjoying a glass of wine at dinner. I think it’s better for kids to see their parents drink responsibly than to hide it. (What? Because the kid is in the house I’m not supposed to ever have a drink? What kind of temperance throwback is that? And what about her dad?) Feh on them all.
[quote comment=”12851”]Feh on them all.[/quote]
Basically. Teetotaling versus Moderation; it’s a sad, sad day when Moderation is the bad guy.
dude. i’m so behind. you are totally right. i can’t believe that story was OK’d by so many folks. right on.
Drinking in front of children is like any other adult behavior. Show them models of responsibility and it will pay dividends. Show them excess and they will never forget.
Once the kids are asleep though, I have often wondered about this — I have a drink or two without a second thought. But, wouldn’t I be furious if a babysitter did the same! I recoginze the situations are different, but it’s an interesting contrast.