Make it easy to digest

• You know what? That tooth thing really got to me. It broke my daily blogging compunction.
• New episode of HOUSE MD tonight. Hope I can stay up that late.
• Because my darling toddler son wanted to party til the break of dawn last night starting at 3:46 and brotherman, that’s not cool.
• My pants are unbuttoned.
• Shut up, I’m pregnant, I have no choice.
• No choice but to wear my totally awesome maternity jeans tomorrow.
• Which are 8” too long in the leg, which is why I didn’t wear them today.
• Seriously, who has time to hem? Who?
• I was going to make myself wait until I was 16 weeks along before I broke out the maternity wear.
• I made it to 15w5d (this weekend) which I think was close enough.
• My lunch today is consisting of Maruchan Instant Lunch, cottage cheese, and rice cakes. Welcome to Sodium City, population: Me.
• I also inhabit the hamlet of But-It-Was-Cheap-And-Easy-ville.
• I forgot to mention the two pieces of holiday chocolate.
• But they don’t count.
• And neither does the hot cocoa break I’m planning for 2 o’clock.
• I’m already hungry thinking about 3 o’clock.
• And don’t even get me started on 4 o’clock.
• I better go eat something now, just in case.

Mopping up the body-image anxiety that leaked out in the last post

So hey guess what? I’m starting two new quilts. I just spent an hour pressing the pieces for one, and half an hour before that laying out the first half of the pieces for the second.

I’ve been planning to pick up quilting again ever since I finished my last one (around Sept. 11) but the holiday ornament swap started kicking my ass, and then it was Thanksgiving, and all that business, so it’s been a while. And in reality I have some other things that ought to take precedence over quilting but really, that hour and a half of being in the zone, it just feels good. I need it now and then. It’s like … well, the first analogy that came to mind was releasing the spit valve on one’s trombone, but I’m not even entirely sure that’s what I’m groping for, leaving alone how gross the mental image is.

This is me in my underwear

OK, my virtual model in her (my?) virtual underwear.

underoos

(levis.com)

Bottom heavy? Check. Short? Check. Absence of bust? Check. All systems go, then!

At least the clothing my virtual self tried on fit accurately, that is to say, poorly as usual:

gaping dress

(sears.com)

Too long? Gaping at the bust? Confused waistline? Completely unflattering? Got it.

Which is why I usually dress like this:

totally boring and momlike

(landsend.com)

It seems OK in my head (and in my closet) but when I see it here, I cringe. UGH. Boring. Pear-shaped boringness.

Plus loafers! I rock the party, you guys.

I can’t wait til they have a My Virtual Knocked Up model. (“Please choose degree of stretchmarks: ^Slight ^Pretty Bad ^Fucking Severe”.) Just adjust your bloat level and have a horrifying inkling of what other people see when you waddle down the street!

On second thought, probably not a good idea. On the upside, though, I can say with certainty that Skinny Jeans would definitely not be a good look for me:

skinny jeans

(hm.com)

OK. Enough with this silly timewasting. Time for ice cream and a bath. (Hey, I’m pregnant! Not allowed to diet! Darn!)

Gay your life must be

  1. I’ve had that “Kookaburra” song in my head for the last three hours.
  2. I used a little too much bleach this afternoon while scrubbing things with a toothbrush.
  3. We are in the midst of another impromptu redecorating itch, only this time it’s the bathroom, and it’s involving copious amounts of scraping and sanding and joint compound and paint with mildewcide in it.
  4. After a long day of eating marshmallows, I like to drink a tall glass of melonade. No, I mean have a tall bowl of ice cream with much reddi-wip on top.
  5. My to-do list now extends to two pages and I can’t look at it any more.
  6. This afternoon Iain clambered onto the roof to hang our outdoor Christmas lights, the first we’ve ever had, and it’s so pretty I want to cry. And he didn’t fall off the roof, no matter how many times Owen said “fall down.”
  7. I’m still posting every day. We’re entering compulsion territory.
  8. When I was 9 my favorite book was Baby-Sitters Club #7, “Claudia and Mean Janine.”

Hope your weekends are lovely.

Tacos by candlelight and homework for my dentist

Sounds like Beck lyrics, huh.

  1. Had a routine cleaning today with my favorite hygienist, which is the boring part. The scary and interesting part is that one of my fake front teeth* is loose. A loose dental implant — hell, a loose tooth of any sort on a 27-year-old woman — is cause for concern. It’s also cause for poky-sharp objects and scheduled emergency visits. (Is scheduled emergency an oxymoron? oh well) Not to mention general dental-office drama. Dr. V had to get on the horn tracking down my old dentist and oral surgeon back in Ohio, and he talked to his oral surgeon friend, and this weekend he has to do research about my teeth. It looks like I’m going to have some heretofore unexpected goings-on in my mouth next Friday. UGH. I’m just hoping he’ll numb me up as much as it is legal to do to a pregnant lady, considering the fact that he intends to CUT MY TOOTH OFF.
  2. I got home from work today to a beautiful orange-purple sky and no electricity. Iain made tacos in the dark (!) and we had a romantic family dinner by candlelight. Then the lights came back on (after an hour and one previous hope-raising flicker*). Right now we’re watching a documentary about Japanese Snow Macaques and eating luxuriously easy-to-prepare microwave popcorn. Mmmm. Popcorn.

So! No longer Nablopomo but lookee, I kept on writing!

* Remember that one time when I was 18 and fell down while rollerblading and smashed my face in and had to have several reconstructive surgeries to fix my face? That was cool.

* I totally spelled this “flickr.”