Don’t adjust your monitor; this post really is incoherent
The amount of dirt Owen’s terrycloth sleeper picks up as he crawls is embarrassing, so I figure I should skip the middleman and fasten some swiffer sheets to his belly. Two birds! One stone! I’m a genius.
So my brother called last night to wish me a happy birthday. He’s at OSU, doing like stem cell research and curing cancer and shit. Makes my days look pretty damn boring. We talked for a while, and then he got off the phone to do some studying before going to my sister’s house down the street. She was having some people over for drinks and to watch “Lost.” It’s funny, because I, many hundreds of miles away, was having some people over for drinks and to watch “Lost,” too. We’re like those twins separated at birth who grow up to have the exact same combover and argyle vest and interest in numismatics.
Unfortunately, my Lost posse got ill or had to take care of folk who were ill, so there was no one around to explain to me why Kate was so annoying, how come Jack’s socks were so white after 44 days on an island, and how there was electricity in that underground hut thing. Guess I’ll have to go catch up.
Today I was going to go shoe shopping but decided to watch The Office special features and play with Owen. I just cannot decide what shoes to get. Black heels to go with my wool skirts? Track-type shoes, because all I ever wear is jeans? Bitty ballet flats which will probably look stupid in 10 months? Who knows.
So I’m putting that off, but I’m still really excited about my birthday money. I can’t decide if I should spend it all on one really nice thing I would never buy myself, or spend it on like ten little things I would never buy myself. Just can’t decide.
And it’s Almost October, which means I want to get a real start on Christmas presents. Last year I was pregnant and quite nesty, so I went all Martha. This year I have a baby, so I know it’s going to take me three months to get it all done.
Hmm. And, I have like fifty hundred craft projects I want to do, including but not limited to the quilt, the knitting, and presents of a thank-you variety.
And this whole week I only got about five hours of sleep a night. If you knew me in college you would know that that is about six hours too few. I need to sleep quite a bit before I’m any use at all.
Speaking of college, Jeffro called yesterday. It appears that he’s in BG, serving the j-school as some kind of contracted genius in newspaper design. And then this weekend is BGSU’s Homecoming, which I kind of wanted to go to. I’d be all, Look, I’m successful. Here’s my handsome husband and my KICKASS baby and I have a decent haircut. I am no longer dressed in thrift-store castoffs and that awful, awful nose ring disappeared. You must be envious.
But then I realized it would be more like, Hey, guys, remember me? I used to be kind of cool? and I had that really butch haircut, and I was never afraid to tell you to fuck off to your face because you were just part of the fascist patriarchal PROBLEM, man? And I drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney on fire and picked fights with particularly misogynistic-looking frat boys? Yeah. That was me. Um, so then, well, I got married had a kid and moved to the suburbs. Oh, and gained ten pounds and started wearing flats. And you?
Plus, gas is like fifteen hundred dollars a gallon and it’s a nine hour drive for one day of football and small talk and we really couldn’t afford all that just so I could chat with fellow newspaper alumni who may or may not even show up, because chances are pretty strong that, although they still live in Ohio [suckas!] they actually have like, real lives, and are way too busy to go to stupid Homecoming to see the quiet girl they didn’t really talk to anyway.
So. We’re staying home. There’s a big crab feast on Friday, and a party on Sunday, and we’re going clothes shopping for Owen on Saturday. Turns out that amid the bucketloads of clothes we have for him we don’t really have any long pants or shirts in size 9-12 months, so unless I dress him in several plaid seersucker rompers at a time, he’s a-gonna get chilly.
So. That’s it. I have to go smoke now. Something to do with the caffeine intake.
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11 Responses to “Don’t adjust your monitor; this post really is incoherent”
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funny, i never noticed jack’s socks. the LOST boozefest must be rescheduled!
Must look at Jack’s socks, how could I be so blind!
And being a shoe whore myself you must get black heels to wear w/wool skirts for me since I doubt my big ass will be getting into any of mine (and my big flippers that grew 1/2 a size so I need a whole new shoe wardrobe) and you should also get track-type shoes for practicality. ANNNND everyone needs a trendy pair but that’s why you get those at Payless or Target so when you are sick of them in a week you are only out $15.
E-mail has been checked and replied to!
So the sock thing, right when he landed in the hatch, I think. Took his shoes off and they were Clorox white. Looked grungier later but it totally stood out at first.
Good advice, Cara. Except that you’ll totally fit back into your old clothes. It really does take nine entire months. The shoe thing — I thought mine had grown? But turns out, they didn’t, not really. I have really narrow feet anyway so even if they did I probably wouldn’t be able to tell.
MB, I do remember the awful nose ring, BUT I remember you most for:
having the coolest hanging loft in the dorm, for naming your plants (and the chair),
having long hair and a wicked bang,
being harassed by dirty college boys to take out your teeth,
being the best Page 3 editor ever…
AND, since Halloween is coming up, I also remember you and Iain dressing up all Matrix-y and Iain borrowing my black pleather pants, even though they were flare leg.
You’re still one of the hippest chicks I’ve ever met, and I’m sure all of your lovely Baltimore friends would agree with me. Yes?
yeah i always wanted to put swiffers on my kid.
he came out from under the bed the other day with so many dust bunnies it was embarassing.
i’m not martha but i do bake a good bit. just not dust enough.
as for the college thing… art school doesn’t have frats thankfully. but i’m sure we all look less cool as we age, after college. and a little heavier too. ergh.
a sleeper IS a swiffer.
and based on the above description, you may be too cool for me.
i delted LOST, so missed the socks. but there are so many incongruities and such on that show, i just go with it. why was kate annoying? does her hottness annoy you?
i describe everyone on the show to my husband thusly: main hotguy, indian hot guy, young (now dead) hot guy, army dude, guy from Oz with son, spoiled hot chick, main hot chick, angry hot guy. I am sure I am missing someone, but its late.
adieu.
j
too cool, ha, as if.
OK, yes I find Kate’s hotness annoying and yes her hotness is pretty much the only reason she is annoying to me. Is that so wrong?
also, jenB, i love the summary of chicks and dudes. That’s pretty much it right there.
Oh I wanted to tell you since you are going clothes shopping for Owen that I LOVE the little hooded sweater we got for Julian and it’s from Target, was a 3 piece outfit and under $20. Don’t know if you even would like it (pics in my flickr from RnR) but I love it so much have to tell everyone about it
I saw a lot at Raw Sugar I like but jeez, think my husband would kill me if I bought him $100 outfit. I’ll stick w/Target! And Corduroy Button in Fells has very cute stuff too but again too $$ for me 
also, carla: Dang. You are too kind. And how could I forget the removable teeth party trick? Or the leather outfits?
Cara, Target rocks. Never heard of Corduroy Button but if it’s spendy, we’ll have to pass, too. I’ll go find your pix from r’n’r — i think the one I did find might have been the wrong one!
kate is hot… but what about the electric in the hut? did i miss something?
I actually did stop by 210 west hall because I was in a wedding in Defiance Saturday, and went to see my sister, a BG gal now herself.
It was weird. The orange couch is gone. How can that be? And the newsroom was clean and the Macs are so shiny and lovely and I’m jealous.
I had to get out one of those giant orange bound books to find a column to show my sister. I am so frickin’ old.