Timing is everything

So we are giving The Boy a bath last night, right? And he pees in the bath. And then we take him out and dry him off, and he spits up all over his naked self until it runs into his armpits. So we bathe him again, take him out and dry him off. Then he spits up. Again. It runs down his naked belly to his navel. Bathe him again. We’re laughing because this kid is so deadpan during his act.

So I lay him on the changing table with his pajamas. I reach for a diaper. He pees in the biggest, most perfect arc I’ve ever seen. It drenches the wall. Soaks my sweater. And, of course, lays in puddles on his clean pajamas and undershirt. I look down and sure enough, he’s soaked the clean diaper before it ever made it onto his butt.

Sheesh.

So I find him new clean clothes. A new diaper. Doing my damnedest to have this kid be clean and dry at the same time. I look up, and what do I see? A shit-eating grin and a huge pile of spitup, right on his clean PJs.

Laugh or cry, you know? I chose to laugh. It’s a good thing he’s so cute, or he’d so be out the window by now.

March 26, 2005 | Filed Under family unit

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Comments

8 Responses to “Timing is everything”

AB on March 26th, 2005 6:35 pm

Oh my lord, that’s so funny! I probably would have cried, or maybe done that deranged laugh and cry at the same time. Congrats on finding the humor in it!
eebmore on March 27th, 2005 1:49 am

yeah, whatever. everyone thinks it’s cute and all when a baby does that stuff. but when I do it everyone acts like there is something wrong with me…
Annie on March 27th, 2005 6:27 pm

Rob keeps telling me to stop buying baby clothes, because “it’s not like she’s going to need all those.” We have this huge, ongoing war that’s totally getting out of control - tell General Owen I said thanks for the ammo.
MB on March 27th, 2005 8:48 pm

Heheheh. Eeb, there comes a time in a man’s life when peeing on his mother isn’t funny anymore.

AB, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done the deranged laugh’n’cry. It gets to be old hat.

And General Owen has been thanked for the ammo, Annie. If Speckette were a Speck-o I’d have tons of stuff for you.
Pete on March 28th, 2005 11:32 am

The Wife thwarted my attempts at raising ours as a Feral Baby, who would be set loose to run naked and free in the backyard. Thus eliminating the need for diapers at all.

I mean, we have a doggy door and everything.
MB on March 28th, 2005 1:47 pm

Feral Baby! If Baltimore weren’t sagging under 10 inches of water that would sound like a very good idea. Maybe for the next one.
Trish on March 29th, 2005 10:16 am

My mom spent Scott’s first week of life with me and one morning he peed like that when I was changing his diaper. It went across the wall, across the back of my mom’s pants… she yelled at me to cover him up, but all I could do was laugh.
AB on March 29th, 2005 11:47 am

Oh, I just remembered, when my brother was a kid, he and a friend had just seen Star Wars. So they thought it would be cool to reenact the light saber fighting scenes in the bathroom, using pee as the light saber. My mom was less than thrilled at their creativity.

That feral baby idea is sounding better and better.