Let’s eat shower!

Ah, the sleep, it not having makes Mommers retarded. She also speak cannot.

Love Will Keep Us Alive: It’s that time of year again, y’all. Tax time. TURBO tax time. Will it be worth the $19.99? Will this house get us any money back? And why couldn’t Owen have been born in 2004? These questions will be answered, just as soon as the damn tax program downloads its updates. It’s been over an hour. [Damn you, dial-up!]

Get Over It: So I know that Owen has seen plenty more of my girly parts, having taken a leisurely trip down Ye OIde Birth Canal and having feasted for a while from the Fount of MB’s Bosoms, but I still feel weird soothing him while naked because he’s busted up crying right when I got out of my shower. “Honey, let Mommy put some clothes on,” is not something I ever expected to say as a parent.

Desperado: This may not be news to some of you with an acute sense of smell, but I have recently fallen off the cigarette wagon. I was having a rather stressful week or two, and few things soothe me like the sweet forbidden taste of a smoke. I am resolving to quit before March … second time’s a charm, right?

This post brought to you by — you guessed it — the aural comfort food of The Eagles. It just felt right, OK?

A Friend in Jesus

Father Clint is coming!

Everybody’s favorite priest-in-training, the best man in our wedding, is headed out here for a visit for his spring break.

Clint and Iain were college roommates when Iain and I were dating. The three of us were quite a threesome, listening to CSNY and cruising around in the Topaz, watching The Simpsons and drinking Rolling Rock, holing up in 301 Darrow and smoking out the window. There are a billion other stories to share, but Iain’s a family man now and Clint’s preparing to make the Church his bride, so you know, let sleeping dogs lie and whatnot. I wouldn’t want to embarrass anybody by telling them about, say, The Night of Nearly Naked Darts, or 1001 Uses for A Stick of Sugarcane, or Cold Pennies In A Twin Bed. You’ll just have to imagine.

Then and now, Clint is probably the most learned, thoughtful and fun guy I know. And I say in sincerity that one of the best bonuses of marrying Iain is inheriting Clint as a friend.

This post brought to you by: Spirit In The Sky by Norman Greenbaum.

“This one’s awful darn good.”

Enough about me. Let me tell you about Owen.

He has these big eyes and, as we all know, amazing eyebrows. He’s making these adorable squeaky vocalizations lately and looks so surprised at the sounds coming out of his mouth. He hardly pees on me any more, and poops once a day. His neck muscles are very advanced, and he is getting increasingly better at holding his head up. He likes to be held upright so he can peek over my shoulder and look at stuff, because God forbid something happen without him knowing about it. He loves his Pooh mobile and the lights on his travel swing. He sleeps great, sometimes up to 5 or 6 hours at a time, but he likes to party between 3 a.m. and 7 a.m.

He smiles a whole lot now. He likes when Daddy helps him do Jimi Hendrix air guitar. He likes sleeping on Dad’s chest, too, but that’s nothing new. He was on his best behavior for company this weekend, and even let his ol’ Mom and Dad go out for a steak and a beer with Aunt Emmy and “Uncle” Kelsey.

He’s pretty good-natured, but definitely has his own ideas on what he wants and what he doesn’t want, and he’s not afraid to show it: the old arching back and scrunchy red face routine. Works though, so can you blame him? But he’s crying a whole lot less these days.

Oh, and he gets the hiccups almost as often as his mom. You’ve never heard anything as cute as baby hiccups, I’m telling you.

There’s no such thing as an A in motherhood

UPDATE: Much, much more discussion from all sorts of perspectives here. Interesting.

Well. You’ve all been witness to my freak-outs of late, my fears of imperfect mothering and failure. If he cries, that means he’s neglected; if he’s not being held, I’m spending too much time on my own interests; if he has spitup on his sleeper or there’s crumbs on the counter, I have fallen short of the mark.

I feel like there’s a “right way” of being a mother, and not only do I not know how to do things “the right way,” but because I don’t, I don’t deserve to be a mother. I’m not breastfeeding him, so I’m a horrible mother. I let him cry for a few minutes while I take a shower, so I’m a horrible mother. I can think of something besides Owen for ten minutes at a time, so I’m a horrible mother.

The paroxysms of doubt. The drama at the grocery store. Great sobfests at 3 a.m. We’re barely seven weeks into our new life as a family, and I’m already feeling such guilt and overwhelming panic that I sometimes wonder how I’ll make it to week eight.

The anxiety is crushing, and this is so not what having a kid is about.

I guess I thought I was alone in this, that other new moms somehow have it figured out and found the “right way” to do things. Or that maybe I’m somehow flawed and just have to tough it out. Or that hey, motherhood’s a bitch, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel — despair is the nature of the beast.

No wonder I get depressed.

The funny thing is that I survived pregnancy; I got so sick of the unrealistic expectations put forth in pregnancy books that I just tossed them out. I decided to do pregnancy the same low-key way I do everything else. I took the epidural with zero regrets and pushed out a great baby. Same with getting married; above all I wanted a fun wedding, and I was thrilled to get started just living with Iain. “Zen MB” was the mantra of the day, and David said I was the most relaxed bride he’d ever seen.

So why can’t I tackle motherhood with that attitude?

It turns out that I’m not alone after all in my despair.

Newsweek’s cover story this week is called “The Myth of the Perfect Mother” and it hit home pretty hard. All of a sudden I was reminded of the pressure to be everything to Owen, regardless of the toll it was so obviously taking on me.

“Why do so many otherwise competent and self-aware women lose themselves when they become mothers? Why do so many of us feel so out of control? And — ;the biggest question of all — why has this generation of mothers, arguably the most liberated and privileged group of women America has ever seen, driven themselves crazy in the quest for perfect mommy-dom?”

Lord. Good question. Because everyone has an idea of “the right way” to mother, and woe to the woman who is content with “good enough.” [Worse, there are as many right ways as there are people with opinions, or book deals, or blogs].

And because there’s no support for moms. There’s endless criticism, natch, but no political or social backup, just lip service for our valor.

“Women today mother in the excessive, control-freakish way that they do in part because they are psychologically conditioned to do so. But they also do it because, to a large extent, they have to. Because they are unsupported, because their children are not taken care of, in any meaningful way, by society at large. Because there is right now no widespread feeling of social responsibility — ;for children, for families, for anyone, really — and so they must take everything onto themselves. And because they can’t, humanly, take everything onto themselves, they simply go nuts.”

There isn’t any affordable, quality day care. There isn’t a feasible way to stay home with the kids and still make the mortgage payment. There isn’t reassurance that kids are getting what they need at school. And if we fail to revolve wholly around our kids, providing them with the experiences they’re not getting elsewhere — well, we know what happens then. At best, we’re depriving our kids of a well-rounded childhood. At worst, Child Services shows up on our doorstep.

The larger point author Judith Warner is making is that we as moms need “politically palatable, economically feasible, home-grown American solutions that can, collectively, give mothers and families a break.” We need to quit isolating ourselves in our anxiety, ease up on the pressure we put on ourselves, and then work for change.

And personally, I’ve come to the conclusion that perfection is impossible. Working myself up over every last detail doesn’t make Owen happier. Piling up the expectations doesn’t make me a better mom, just a more paranoid one.

My new mantra? “If lives are not on the line, I’m not going to freak out.”

I love Owen. I am meeting his needs. I’m going to do a good job taking care of him. I’m going to be satisfied with being good enough. Not perfect, but good enough.

It’s going to be hard, I think, to allow myself to be imperfect or make mistakes. God, I might even stop looking at things in terms of good and bad, success and failure. But I’m game. When I look at Owen, I’m not going to see a neglected baby. I’m going to see a baby who’s sleeping peacefully in his swing. And when I look in the mirror, I’m not going to see a bad mom, one who’s less of a mother for having her own interests, her own agenda. I’m going to see a mom who’s good enough, who loves her little constipated baby enough, who always will love him enough because that’s the nature of the game.

I’m going to quit beating myself up and quit sweating the small stuff.

And for Chrissake, I’m going to have fun with this kid. I didn’t have him because I wanted to be miserable and overwhelmed.

It was because I had to put these attractive and intelligent genes to good use.

happy family

Carry that weight

I guess it’s a good thing that the really hard, overwhelming days are getting further and further apart. I keep [naively] thinking that they’re behind me, that I’ve got the hang of this baby care stuff, and then I get slammed.

Yesterday: Not a good day. My folks were coming in the afternoon, so the pressure to clean the house was mounting in my head, plus my library books were due, plus there was laundry that had to be done. And every time I put Owen down, in his swing or his bouncy or his car seat, he screamed and cried like I told him I didn’t love him any more. At least, that’s what it felt like he was saying.

I was halfway through scrubbing down the bathtub during his morning nap when he started crying again — for no reason I could discern other than I wasn’t holding him. The laundry buzzer was going off. I had Ajax all over my hands. The kitchen was a disaster. Dishwasher needed unstacked. And here was my baby, screaming and crying. I rinsed off fast, left the showerhead turned on, and picked him up.

He hadn’t napped nearly enough. I hadn’t gotten anything done. There was no way I was going to even get dressed, much less out of the house, if this didn’t let up. There are only so many hours between naps and feedings, and everything has to be timed just so if it is to be accomplished.

But then I looked down into his little scrunchy red face, and his sad sad eyes with real tears, and I said “Aw, fuck it.” We went and sat in the recliner until he fell asleep and then we sat in that recliner some more.

Just watching him sleep, finally calm again, I felt so awful for not holding him enough and not knowing what he wanted. That’s when I feel like a bad mother, and that’s when the panicky, overwhelming feeling kicks in and I just try real hard not to cry. I feel like I should be anticipating his every need, and that if he cries I’m doing something wrong. I know that’s not the case, and sometimes babies just cry, but there are days when it feels like an indictment.

The bathroom is still dirty. The dishwasher got unstacked, but not until 7 p.m. The library books are now overdue.

My family came in and didn’t say a word about the tidiness of the house — they are good people. And my mom especially has been invaluable, reassuring me that Owen is A-OK fine, and that I am doing a fine job, and that everything’s going to be OK. Usually I know this, but at the end of the week, when my sleep levels are at their lowest, I am usually walking a tightrope of control and it’s anyone’s guess whether I’ll stay on.

Things are better this morning, because I got almost four hours of uninterrupted sleep [thanks, Iain!] and I’ve already had the day’s coffee intake. But just now I went to check on Owen as he napped in his crib, and he was crying, and I had another flash of feeling like a failure. How do I get over this?

This post brought to you by: Most Of The Time from the album “Oh Mercy” by Bob Dylan.

Right. About that coffee …

Crap. How do you make coffee? My can of Aroma Seal Folgers has no instructions whatsoever. Nor does it have a scoop.

I confess I consulted both the web site and the 1-800 number, to no avail. I’m taking a stab in the dark with one tablespoon per one cup of water … but seriously, man, how stupid is it to not include INSTRUCTIONS for your product.

Watch, they’ll be buried at the absolute bottom of the can, and I’ll find it in two weeks.

GIVE! ME! COFFEE!

If you’re calculating your sleep in minutes, not hours, you know you’re in trouble.

Boogerbutt here always wants to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn, which is about five hours too early for me. Thank God for a two-hour snow delay this morning — Iain took over the dreaded 6 a.m. feeding and I slept for another 80 minutes. Good, but not good enough, you know?

Also, would someone please tell Owen that it doesn’t count as napping unless it’s consecutive? These catnaps are so not cutting it.

Only cheaters use bulleted lists

Sometimes Owen farts so loud he wakes himself up and cries. I can’t even believe this child sometimes.

Moving onward.

¶ I am so grossly addicted to American Idol it’s not even funny.
¶ Today we’re cooking barbecue chicken in the crockpot. I love the crockpot and it loves me back.
¶ Owen is finally on something resembling a schedule. It’s not an actual schedule, mind you, because that would be too easy. But he is getting predictable with his feedings — five ounces every four-ish hours, with a five-hour span at night — and naps.
¶ For his morning nap, Owen sleeps in his bassinet with WPOC playing today’s country hits on the clock radio. For his early afternoon nap, he sleeps in the swing while I update my blog. And for his late afternoon nap he sleeps in his daddy’s arms because his daddy was at work all day long and missed him SO MUCH.
¶ My family is coming to visit again this weekend, and this time I think my oldest younger sister is coming, too. And Mom has offered to baby-sit on Saturday so Iain and I can go out to dinner by ourselves. Part of me is super excited about this, and part of me is scared to death. Dude, sometimes I miss the baby while he’s asleep. Seriously. I’m not sure how we’re going to be with leaving him behind. But imagine putting on real-people clothes and going out, just the two of us … it’s an attractive proposition.
¶ I am finding the temptation to smoke nearly overwhelming now that I’m not pregnant. This sucks.
¶ Six more weeks until I go back to work. My subconscious has been dredging up various coworkers and scattering them around in my dreams; I dreamt one of the more comical editors wanted me to watch his baby while he bicycled around the office. I have no idea what it means.
¶ Is it me or has local TV news just plummeted in quality? They’re reporting on reality television and the dating habits of their own weathermen. No joke.
¶ I went to Old Navy today and bought a hooded sweatshirt for $6.97. I haven’t worn hooded sweatshirts since high school. I’m wearing it now and I feel like I’m late for algebra.
¶ I miss the appetite I had when I was pregnant. I was hungry all the damn time, and everything tasted fantastic. I craved sweets and baked pies from scratch. These days I just don’t care that much about food, and my appetite is regular, not extra-large. Somehow I feel disappointed.
¶ My daily routine no longer entails walking past a Citypaper news rack, and I’m having Lulu Eightball withdrawal. Witness the Monkey vs. Baby debate.

All right, now get back to work.