The Loneliest Tampon

Great name for a children’s book, no? I just saw my box of Tampax in the bathroom, right where I left them a year ago, and thought how sad they must be.

I really, REALLY must get out more.

What the hell, man? What is the deal with these young men coming ‘round, asking to shovel the walk? I’m talking mid-twenties here, not a high-schooler. Looks to be the same guy who freaked me out by insistently ringing the bell during weekdays a week or two ago.

First of all, we have no walk, just four feet of bricking from the parking pad to the stoop, and I think Iain can handle that. Second of all: yo, man, do NOT ring the bell seven times in a row at eight fucking thirty in the morning. If I did want my walk shoveled, it would NOT be a the crack of dawn. And third of all — dude, get a job. What are you doing shoveling walks? You’re young, you have your health — get a job. I know, I know, tough market and all, but I’m sure anything is going to be paying better than shoveling money.

But I luuuurve it: My shameful love of chick lit used to be documented a little better on this web site, but here’s a little reminder: LORD, how I love the chick lit. I’m reading “Little Earthquakes” right now, by Jennifer Weiner [blog], a terrific author who was recommended to me by the illustrious Noreen, who was my summer roommate in Richmond when we both worked for the Times-Dispatch, and who may be coming to visit in a few weeks.

“Little Earthquakes” is about four women, their pregnancies and their newborn babies. Fascinating to me right now, for obvious reasons. The Parkville library FINALLY got a copy onto the shelves, so I’m tearing through it during Owen’s naps. Very good.

All that: Owen has started talking, and he’s only seven weeks old. Isn’t that amazing? I’m not sure what language it is exactly; I’ve been trying to get Babblefish to translate “glurgle” “glaaaah” and “oooheeeoh” with little success. But I think it’s quite amazing. I just knew he was going to be a little genius.

Oh yeah, you people: I brought Owen by my office yesterday and the office I used to work at the day before that to show him off and show my coworkers that there really was a reason I couldn’t tie my own shoelaces for all those months. Everyone commented on how perfectly shaped his head is. I’m starting to get a complex: is that what people say when a baby is goofy looking? “Oh, his head, it’s so perfectly shaped! And look, five fingers on each hand, isn’t that amazing.” But it was good to see everybody, and Lord knows I love showing off my baby. I don’t care if his head IS perfectly shaped.

T-minus eight days: Jen and Jeffy are coming to visit next weekend! We’re going to sit around and watch silly teen movies and listen to pop music and eat cheese popcorn, just like we did back at the Summit Street apartment, only with less angst and more baby. I can’t wait for Owen to meet his “auntie” and “uncle,” and to show them my new house. I haven’t seen Jeffro in AGES, and the last time I saw Jen was at my baby shower, when I was big as a house and half as cogent. Not that I make much sense any more, but at least my interruptions are coming from outside my body now. I can even dress Owen in his BGSU footie pajamas and Falcon hat in honor of their arrival.

Mommy’s a geek: I may not have my Powerbook [grumble grumble taxes suck grumble] but I do have my iPod, on which I have loaded several megs of Sesame Street songs and Jerry Garcia’s children’s album [Not For Kids Only]. Now Owen can listen to his mom sing the Muppets Theme Song whenever we go to the grocery store. If that don’t scar him for life, I don’t know what will.

February 25, 2005 | Filed Under daily grind

Comments

4 Responses to “The Loneliest Tampon”

Rachael on February 26th, 2005 11:40 am

The token line for not cute babies is “You must be so proud.” Don’t worry, you’ll never hear it.

I’m addicted to the Owen photos, it’s a rare moment in my day when I can sit in front of Flickr and not be mad at the world, who can be mad at the world with that cutie making faces!
MB on February 26th, 2005 11:51 am

Thanks, Rachael! Owen is already making good, cheering up young women the world over. My job here is done.
Jen on February 26th, 2005 1:46 pm

I can not wait to see Baby Owen in person, and hold him and make those cute annoying baby words at him. And of course, make promises of spoiling him rotten and sending him home to Mom and Dad!!!! Can’t wait to see you NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lori on February 27th, 2005 1:49 am

You probably already know about these, but the “Beethoven’s Wig” cds are awesome. I promise I’m not a smarmy rep trying to promote them. Actually I don’t even have a child yet (but god am I trying!)but I heard a piece on NPR about the cds and had to go buy them. I’ve actually learned from them. The problem: It will be impossible for me to hear an orchestra play Vivaldi’s Four Seasons without singing “It’s SPRING, time to SING Vivaldi!” Or Strauss’s Danube Waltz without hearing “Please don’t tease the Viennese” in my head.

I’ll definitely play them for my children thought (assuming I EVER get pregnant…).

Great Blog, btw.