Timewaster, heartbreaker, dream-maker

paper doll As I mentioned earlier, I fell in love with the doll-maker web site that Casa Del Harrison pointed out. I made this little doll. I wish I could wear something cute like this, instead of giant tent-shirts and elastic waist pants. So for all of you in Internet land, pretend this is what I look like. And that my family sedan has been replaced by a minibike.

Update: Rachel at Atomic Books Blog is addicted, too. However, this only fuels my craving for more dolls. I think I need to make another one.

In other news, I actually checked out a copy of Styx’s greatest hits from the library but couldn’t bring myself to listen to it. Wandered around singing “Come sail away” all day yesterday, though. Pathetic what hormones will do to a person.

August 29, 2004 | Filed Under minutiae | 1 Comment

Eastman, Kodak?

Still don’t have a baby name. [Or a nursery that isn’t full of old shoes and cardboard boxes, for that matter.]

How about Nathan Junior, like in Raising Arizona? That’s a good name. In fact, it’s about the only name I have so far. Iain has suggested a few [such as Helicopter and Vader], but they just don’t sound right.

Have to say that this site has been a treasure trove of helpful information. Such as the fact that a whopping 230 people named their infant sons “Baby” last year — and registered them that way with the Social Security Administration. Wow.

Hopefully we’ll be able to come up with something a little better than that.

August 29, 2004 | Filed Under minutiae | Leave a Comment

Scared shitless

This is what scares me:

That when Critter is born, life as I know it is over.
I will never again have a full night’s sleep.
I will never again be able to finish reading a book.
I will never again be able to splurge on expensive body lotion or a new purse.
I will never again wear those cute little jeans I only got to wear, like, twice before my belly ballooned.
I will never again be young and attractive [go with me on this, and let’s assume I was at one point in the last four years young and attractive].
I will never again have a day to myself.
I will never be able to keep up with this blog.
I will never be able to afford anything, because house and baby and childcare will suck up all our money.
I will irrevocably fuck this child up in some way.
I will alienate all my current friends and never be able to make new friends.
I will be exhausted, miserable, and overwhelmed.

This is what keeps me going:

Everyone says it’s worth it.
I already love The Critter, and we’ve never even met.
Iain promises to help me.
It can’t be that bad …

Why is pregnancy and labor and motherhood so full of horror stories, warnings, calamities, crises and pain? The vague “it’s so worth it” blather does nothing to reassure me. Is it? Because you don’t seem to realize how dependent I am on sleep and food. And I rather liked having my body to myself. And I enjoy sitting quietly, reading. And frankly, I can’t imagine coping with a new baby AND working full-time. Fuck, or part-time, for that matter.

In short, I’m scared shitless, and maybe it’s childish, and some of it is admittedly immature; maybe it’s a normative part of the process of becoming a mother, or whatever, but it’s still terrifying, and I’m trying to reassure myself but I’m not doing a very good job. Which does not bode well for future tasks of reassurance I’ll undoubtedly have to undertake.

I know I’m supposed to be afraid of childbirth, but duh. Fairly obvious it’s a painful procedure, no? Years and years of human history have made that evident. Therefore not an unknown, therefore not scary. I’ve dealt with hospitals and surgeries and pain, and I’m not really scared. It’s what comes after that terrifies me. As a mom-to-be, I should be glowing and painting the nursery and poring over baby name books, not wondering when I’m going to fit into my pre-preg jeans or worrying whether I’ll get enough rest. Conclusion: Am far too unrealistic and immature to be having a child, will never make it, might as well hand it over to the authorities.

Will likely go to hell for even mentioning any of this.

On a slightly, ever so slightly related note: Saw Kill Bill Vol. 2 last night. Bawled my eyes out. Feeling rather weary at the moment. Sure it will all pass, as it so often does. Check for sunnier emotional weather in about 20 minutes.

This post brought to you by: Are The Good Times Really Over For Good by Merle Haggard.

August 29, 2004 | Filed Under neuroses, pregnancy | 5 Comments

B-blog trolling

A few finds:

1. “Everyone wants to bang Jake Gyllenhaal,” eebmore says, pointing to this. And it’s so, so true.

2. The Candybar Doll Maker that sucked up so much of Casa Del Harrison’s time. I love this girly shit, man! Paper dolls! Can you beat it?

And turns out I missed the crablogs anniversary party last week — I was out for the wedding in Cleveland, if you recall. Clevelanders, by the way, hate Baltimore with a passion I’ve never seen rivaled. Something to do with those Ravens? The Browns? I dunno, I don’t follow baseball.

Ha, ha, just kidding. Anyway, missed the whole thing, but I’m sure I’ll toddle along to the next meetup. Would have liked to meet Founder Amanda, though …

August 25, 2004 | Filed Under check it out | 5 Comments

Reading

Back from Cleveland [such a beautiful wedding] and done with the production deadlines for the week.

Been reading bits and pieces lately:

1. You may remember a story [there was also one in the Baltimore Messenger, but I can’t find it] about The Book Thing, which is that thing Iain and I go to every once in a while for an armful of free books. Deal is, TBT may have to move, and there’s nowhere for them to go to yet. One of the volunteers is pleading for ideas [or even better, a space to move to] on her blog. And Boing-Boing.net is on the lookout too. Let’s put our thinking caps on, because The Book Thing is the best thing ever, and it would totally suck if it didn’t have a place to live.

2. Great Sun profile of Dan Peres, the Baltimore-bred editor of Details magazine [you know, the is-it-gay-or-is-it-straight mag for fashionable, cutting-edge young men]. Fascinating profile of the man, and consequently the magazine, since the two seem to be so intertwined.

3. The Da Vinci Code. At long, long last, I finally nabbed a copy from the library. I like the premise so far — reminds me of an article I read many years ago. The writing is OK; not as stilted and sexist as The Bourne Identity, which I didn’t like, or unbelievable as Daughter of God, which I did, but definitely approaching that genre. Big fan of the Da Vinci elements; I remember my dad had a softcover book of his notebooks, sketches and “cartoons,” so I’ve been interested in the guy since I’ve been interested in art itself. Plus, I love conspiracy novels and the notion that The Church’s rituals and whatnot are outcroppings of pagan practices.

Oh, this is interesting. I find here that Lewis Purdue, author of Daughter of God, has a book called the Da Vinci Legacy. Wonder what that’s all about.

The Da Vinci Codex is a priceless collection of Leonardo’s original work— or is it? When Da Vinci scholar Vance Erikson discovers that several of the Codex’s pages are forgeries, the search is on for the genuine documents, which may hold startling secrets and revelations.

But Erikson is not the only one seeking the missing pages. He soon finds himself the target of a murderous conspiracy that dates back to the dawn of Christianity itself. For the Da Vinci Codex is more than just a precious document. It is also the key to a long-lost discovery of frightening importance. Now, not only Erikson’s life but the future itself is at stake. Ultimate power is the prize for whomever seizes …

Eeeeenteresting.

And where can I read more about the controversy around this book, and people who think Dan Brown is an evil, misleading nutcase?

Anyway, time to go and actually finish this book. I’m afraid if I research it any more I’ll spoil the ending.

August 25, 2004 | Filed Under blather | 4 Comments

Truly, madly, deeply in love with elastic-waist pants

Did I mention busy? Briefest of updates before we leave for Cleveland and Kris’s wedding.

Olympics roundup: Was able to catch some men’s C-1 and women’s K-1 slalom [Iain taped it]. Also been hooked on men’s and women’s gymnastics and of course men’s swimming [Our boy Phelps, doncha know]. Don’t think much of Olympic beach volleyball [a bikini sport — puh-leeze]. Overall, pretty much addicted, but I get this way every time it’s Olympics time. Summer means gymnastics and winter means speedskating. What can I say.

Yo homey: House is still a mess, but most things are unpacked, at least. Worried that we have mosquitos or something, because Iain seems to be getting a lot of bites … Please god, don’t let it be fleas.

Beanie baby spoiler: Had El Sonogram-o last Thursday, and let me just tell you, I am carrying the cutest damn baby ever. And — it’s a boy.

Okay, I’ve already missed 14 minutes of Olympics coverage, and I have to iron my dress. And speaking of These Olympic Games, the City Paper’s Mr. Wrong comes through this week on my favorite topic. See y’all next week.

August 18, 2004 | Filed Under daily grind | Leave a Comment

C-1, C-2, K-1 … what’s your pleasure?

Looking forward to maybe catching some of the Olympic kayaking and canoeing on TV later this week. For this, I will make a special exception to the television ban. I know NBC will be showing some of it, but I think we might be out of town celebrating Kristalyn’s wedding.

Turns out Iain knows a couple of the guys racing for the U.S. — he used to be a lot more competitive in whitewater [before the old ball-n-chain kept him down, wink]. And though I still haven’t learned how to boat, I’ve spent enough time with krazy kayakers to know a boof when I see one.

Thinking fondly of the SPWT*, who were there at the Riversport race when Iain proposed. Perhaps an October meetup at Sara’s wedding … ?

*Slimy Pebble Whitewater Team

August 13, 2004 | Filed Under minutiae | Leave a Comment

Busy, cubed

Moving begun — no time to write — shall update, maybe, later.

Today in the City Paper —

Race to the Bottom: Just when world events have made quality intelligence reporting a hot commodity, The Sun this past week lost its primary national security reporter. Scott Shane, a 21-year Sun veteran who has been writing about terrorism and intelligence issues since Sept. 11, 2001, left the paper to join the New York Timesí Washington bureau, where he expects his open-ended enterprise-reporting assignment to center on national security and terrorism-related issues.

Shaneís departure comes on the heels of at least 18 other reporters, editors, support staff, and managers who took part in a controversial voluntary contract buyout thrust upon The Sun and its sister papers in the middle of June by parent Tribune Co. (Mobtown Beat,ìAll the News That Fits,î June 16). The contract buyouts, offered to longtime Sun employees, were implemented along with other cost-cutting initiatives at The Sun and other Tribune papers after the company reported low first-quarter profits on June 7. …..

August 11, 2004 | Filed Under journalism | Leave a Comment