Portraits of Baltimore County

To the guy in the black Pontiac stopped on Walther Boulevard: It is really, really declassé to open your car door and do the technicolor yawn about six inches from my car. Not to mention nasty.

To the teller at the Towson Bank of America: Your loquaciousness and joie de vivre really brightened my day. I enjoyed hearing about all eight generations you have so far researched and wish you the best of luck in your future genealogical endeavors.

To the security guard at the Mini-Library: Keep on rockin’ out, chica.

And now, to the deaf, dumb and blind salesclerk at Crate and Barrel: Your absolute fucknuggetry so completely soured my outlook toward my fellow man that I considered jumping off the top of the M&T Bank Building to my miserable, ineffectual death. Then I remembered that you were the miserable, ineffectual one and I thereby resolved to a.) never in my life shop at Crate and Barrel again, even if Iain’s best friend were registered there and b.) find some way to make you pay for the hour and a half I spent wandering painfully among useless, overpriced kitchen accessories. May this garlic press find its way to your groin area and never let go.

July 30, 2004 | Filed Under PoBCo