Knackered

So I had this dream last night wherein Jennifer Aniston was in this play, right? and I’m in the play too, and the play’s about a restaurant. She’s the star waitress and I’m one of the background people; it’s my job to stand with my hand’s clasped behind my back and gaze out purposefully into the audience like I’m looking for someone who skipped out on their check.

And when it’s over I ask her if I can bum a cigarette, and she’s so thin and shiny and rich — and she just laffs and laffs and laffs. But then she says, It’s a Prullient, is that OK? And I’ve never heard of that brand before so I say OK and I take one and the end is already lit, even though it’s just out of the box, and I think damn, these are some fancy cigarettes.

Well, then Jennifer Aniston and I go to the grocery store, because the play’s over and I guess she needed a ride, and she has to bum some cash from me, but I can’t get my wallet open and I feel like a total chump. So she just writes a check.

And then it was time for her to move on, because I was rapidly progressing into a new dream, where I was at a technological school trying to steal new software and sell it on the black market before I was caught. I wasn’t caught, but I was held up by my friend Ska’s wedding, which was her third of the season — she was having as many weddings as necessary to accomodate all of her friends and relatives, sometimes traveling all over the country so that her wedding would be convenient for others. And I wasn’t showered or dressed or ready at all, but the minister was already playing the two processional songs — ‘In a Gadda Da Vita’ and ‘Shoop’ — so I had to haul ass to the locker room, change out of my tech-thief clothes and into a sophisticated dress.

But before I could do that, Iain’s alarm went off, and I woke up. Saved by the bell? Something like that.

May 20, 2004 | Filed Under neuroses