Go Banana!
Topics searched on eBay this evening, while under the influence and with aid from Iain …
- banana
- quilt
- 2002 ford ranger
- 2-year-old male
- ebay
- fuckers
- used toothbrush [Only used 5 times, but it still brushes teeth fine. $10 shipping]
- iPod
- Panther
- Condom Machine: You are bidding on a Lancer’s Diplomat, slightly used, double mechanism condom vending machine. It was placed on location for a short time but removed due to re-modeling at the location. Look at photos. The two slots are for 25 cents and 50 cents. It comes with key. Measures 24” high x 7” wide x 11” deep which includes the coin slots which are front vend.
- pool table
- Lucky Strike Vintage Metal Case
- underwear
- lord of the rings
- my so called life
- Saddam Money Iraqi UNC 100 Dinar Mint Graded : $1.75
- jesus christ
- glock: Full Auto AK-47,AR-15,GLOCK, RUGER 10/22,SKS $2.50
- john deer quilt fabric
This post brought to you by: Sell Sell Sell from the album “Maroon” by Barenaked Ladies.
Take that, ya bastard.
This is the girl power I’m talking about. Strength in numbers, righteous indignation, and hard kicks to the groin: Girls Pummel Man Who Exposed Himself.
Sexual predators, beware. There are many, many more of us than you.
Thanks for the link, Dan.
Insert Glass Wordplay Here, Part II
I can’t wait to see Shattered Glass when it hits Baltimore. I’m a major sucker for journalism films. Broadcast News and All the President’s Men are at the top of the list, of course.
And as I’ve read The Fabulist, and can’t really get enough of the Jayson Blair/Stephen Glass scandals, I’m all over this.
Insert Glass Wordplay Here, Part I.
I’ll show you scary
Bah. This Halloween stuff is for kids.
I’m not bitter or anything. I don’t have a costume, I don’t have plans, and I don’t know anyone to have plans with, but really, I’m not bitter.
Really.
Well, yesterday was pretty good. Dave called, and we had a good chat. We always have a good chat. And Jeffy called, and Carrie called, and we all had a good chat.
And I walked to the library and got some books out. And then we had dinner. And then we tag-teamed my quilt, taking turns snipping and pressing and arranging, with me stitching. And now I have half my quilt-top done now. I think I can finish the whole thing this weekend.
But today … christ.
Today, at about 8 a.m., some idiot jack-ass with a jackhammer was attacking the sidewalk directly outside my window. Walls shook. The sound was deafening. I got pissed. I snapped open the blinds, glared a dirty look at the dirty construction worker. Snapped the window shut. Snapped the blinds back. Stomped out of the room.
But there wasn’t much I could do, except sit exasperatedly on the loveseat in the living room and pull the pillow over my head. Which I did. To no avail. My teeth were dancing with the sound of it.
So here we are. Tired. Cranky. Hungry.
Halloween morning, and nothing to wear.
This post reluctantly dragged out of bed by: Invisible Ink from the album “Lost in Space” by Aimee Mann.
Monkey Girl strikes again.
I really like that as a name for my site: MonkeyGirl.com.
Anyway. I really have a lot I’ve been thinking about, way more than just Girl Scout Cookies and monkeys and masks and shit. I don’t think I can get it all out here though. I dunno.
First: Read Ishmael again. Depressing, yet heartening. Wondering about the fate of humankind makes my troubles way less important. Also inspired, again, to make some slight changes in the way I live. Already gave up television and mass magazines; need to work on other consumerist habits, smoking habit, poor diet habit, introversion habit. Probably some other stuff, too.
Second: Reading this pregancy book. Don’t laugh. It’s cute and funny and I may need it someday. Thinking about babies and … well, babies. I think I want one. I think I’d be a good mother. I think I’d look really cute as a glowing pregnant lady with a little Buddha baby and stylish maternity clothes. Don’t know if anything will come of this in the next three years, but there you have it. MB, who was never going to get married and never going to have kids, who was going to bounce from paramour to paramour and live in her fabu NYC apartment as editor of the New York Times, is thinking about furthering her suburban experience and layin’ a couple of eggs.
What the fuck is the world coming to?
Third: I’m the Beast From Hell today. Totally irrational, angry, bitter, depressed, moody and generally unpleasant. Can’t for the life of me figure out why, but there you have it. Iain, I’m sorry I bit your head off forty-seven distinct times this evening. It’s not you, it’s me, and I’m crazy in the head.
Fourth: I made some more slight progress on the Fabrication [a.k.a. the quilt]. I’ve got a few blocks sewn together, and my seams are straight, and it’s all just going together so smoothly. I may have this done in two weeks if I keep on like this.
Fifth: I decided to hate a few people from afar today. They don’t really deserve any of my brainpower whatsoever, but may I remind you I’m the Beast From Hell, and the BFH can hate whomever she damn well wants to. So to these people, who shall at least remain nameless: Fuck you, man. Fuck you.
Sixth: Wow. That felt good. I should say that more often.
And this brings us pretty much up to speed. I think I’m going to stay up too late tonight, and finish off that box of cookies, and maybe curl up in my pajamas on the loveseat and watch a movie. Possibly something good/awful like Romeo + Juliet or similar. Recurrent “hibernation” feeling returning again. Who knows when next you’ll hear from me.
For that matter, who cares, right? Go do something productive. I ain’t got nothing new to say anyway. Bah.
This post brought to you by: Four Walls of Raiford (Undubbed Demo Version) [1991 Box Set] from the album “The Essential Lynyrd Skynyrd” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Simian antics
I am Monkey Girl! I am Monkey Girl! My legs are too short and my arms are too long. Only evidently I am not as cute as some primates.
Ugly Monkey Girl!
See … this is what happens when you don’t eat for 23 hours. Urrgghhhh …
Oooh, scary!
Sweet, dude. Thanks to the City Paper, I don’t have to sweat not having a Halloween costume. I’ll just use one of theirs. I think the Kendal Ehrlich mask is the most frightening …
Curse you, evil Girl Scout
Curse you, evil Girl Scout Cookies! Be gone! Tempt me no further!
Girl Power!
Best day of October: today, because it’s Girl Scout Cookie Delivery Day!
Delicious, so nutritious … I must be careful, though, because I have six boxes of cookies underneath my desk, and I could inhale them all in less than five minutes with no problems whatsoever.
Best Part of the Month: When they change the mini-posters in the ladies-room stalls. They’re always for Breast Health, courtesy of Howard County General Hospital, a member of John Hopkins Medicine, blah blah blah, but at least it’s something to look at. Today was the day the posters changed from Breast Cancer Awareness Month to Breast-Healthy Attitudes. It sucks, though, because July was Breast-Healthy Attitudes, and I already have the poster memorized. It’s like, cheap recycling. Can’t they think of anything new to write about breasts?
For much more clever awards,see Jen’s blog. It’s Aveeno spelled backwards, see?
American patchwork pie
Oh yeah, baby. Got the mad quiltin’ skillz.
There’s got to be a cooler word than “quilting,” anyway. Why not … um … hmm.
Anyway, got the mad skillz here. I’m cuttin’, I’m trimmin’, I’m makin’ little triangle pieces. The plan is to do a bunch of little pinwheels in autumnal colors, then stitch the whole bitch together. I’ve got about 80 little triangles, and need only about 100 more.
This’ll take, like, two years! But it’s fun. Iain got all into it, plotting a quilt-top grid in Photoshop and then designing all these intricate layouts and shit. He’s getting very M.C. Escher, which is way out of my league. And this begs the question: Why don’t more boys get into quilting? There’s all that math, first of all, fractions and adding and shit, plus the geometry. Then you’ve got the architectural elements, and the cold calculating. It’d be perfect for them. Or maybe just Iain, I don’t know.
qAnyway, it’s coming along, slowly but surely. I’ll keep you posted.
Speaking of fall: We played around at the Gunpowder [Falls State Park] yesterday for a few hours, tramping through the leaves and throwing rocks in the river. Terrific.
Finished reading The Hobbit, am starting on Ishmael again, by Daniel Quinn. Iain’s got about 10 copies in a stack by the couch, for his science class, so I picked one up to read it again. It’s been awhile.
Oh, and I shined my boots today. Woo-hoo. Big times.
Was that a home run? Oh! And my alma mater, Bowling Green, totally pounded Northern Illinois yesterday. Broadcast on ESPN 2 and everything. Score! [I don’t give a rat’s ass about football, but come on, this is big. For us, anyway.]
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